People at the gym

The great thing about the gym is that people of all types go there, whether you’re old, young, fat, skinny, a fitness guru, or a fitness newbie. The gym at my college is pretty homogenous between the pretty girls who spend hours on hours skipping on the elliptical and the guys in tank tops who have grunting contests while doing free weights. On the other hand, the gym in my hometown is a mix of everyone. I’ll break down the types.

The Grandparents

They’re retired and have been pretty sedentary since back problems constricted them to full-time house cleaning. But the doc says that it’s important to stay in shape, so they sign up at a gym for their grandchildren’s sake. They tend to avoid the new machines, as the fancy buttons merely confuse them. They spend a good majority of their time walking on the treadmill or reading a book on the bike. A typical workout involves some light cardio and a few sit ups on the side. Sweaty from a hard workout, they have no shame about sitting in the sauna with only their undergarments on. This is Grandma’s way of saying “IDGAF if someone sees me in my bra and panties. I’ve seen it all anyways, and one day you will too!”

The Bro

He comes into the gym with a workout buddy or two. He scoffs at the women who flock towards the cardio room. “Running?” he scowls. “Why would I want to lose tone when I can build up my gigantic muscles?” His first stop is the free weights area. Maybe he hasn’t picked up a weight in a few weeks, but he sees that his workout buddy is grabbing the biggest dumbbell in the room, so he feels the need to man up and try that same weight too. Since he’s not quite fit enough for the challenge, he spends most of his weight workout grunting so loudly that the Grandparents nearby even turn their heads to figure out what the commotion is all about. He’s also wearing a tank top, so the girls nearby have a full-on view of his manly armpit hair as he does the bench press. He walks out of the gym leading with his shoulders so everyone can see just how swoll he’s getting.

The Bikini Babe

She’s what they call the “fat skinny girl” — someone who eats whatever she wants and never gains any weight. But she’s starting to feel bloated lately, so she goes to the gym just to say that she did. After all, it’s not the workout that matters; it’s the amount of time she went. She enters the gym and doesn’t give a second look to the weights or the treadmill. It’s elliptical only. She casually runs to a 13 minute mile, throwing in some sprints every once in a while. Before she can start a sweat, she turns her body so everyone behind her can see that — gasp — she worked out for a whole 75 minutes! Beat that bitches. She leaves with her hair as perfectly in tact as when she arrived.

The 50-Year-Old Gym Buff: Male

He goes to the gym every morning. He mixes up his routines so his body never gets too used to one workout. He always comes to the gym with a workout plan in mind. He has knows everyone’s name because he always comes here at the same time each morning. He scowls at the Bros and Bikini Babes who think they’re so cool when really they have nothing on this Gym Buff. When he sees a Bro trying to lift more weight than he can handle, he stops by and offers some technique tips to the poor guy. The Bro seems grateful for this, so Gym Buff starts to think that he’s good enough to be a personal trainer. But no, he really couldn’t do that. After all, once he’s done with his workout, he’ll be getting suited up for his white collar 9-to-5 job that pays much better than being a personal trainer.

The 50-Year-Old Gym Buff: Female

She’s not a personal trainer, but she sure could be mistaken for one if you saw her on the treadmill. She runs at the speed of light. She’s addicted to the adrenaline rush she gets when she’s working out. She knows to spread her workout between cardio and strength training. In fact, she’s so good at it that she’s freakishly toned. She’s got abs and arms of steel, and she’s not afraid to show it. In fact, she’s so proud of her body that she only wears a sports bra when she works out. The belly button piercing emphasizes her six pack. She sweats like crazy but has no shame because she knows she’s the queen of the gym. Everyone, she thinks, should aspire to be like her.

The New Year’s Resolution

She went to the doctor, who said that she’s 20 lbs overweight. She’s made it her New Year’s resolution to get fit, so joining a gym is the first step. She is intimidated by everyone there, especially the 50-Year-Old Gym Buff who looks like she’s on steroids. She’s been told the treadmill is best, so she runs intervals at her own pace, trying not to feel self-conscious by all of the fitness gurus nearby. After a few minutes, she resolves to spend the rest of her workout on the bike. Then maybe no one will notice that she’s sweating more than she ever has in her life. Of course, I mean all of this in jest. Who are some of the people that you find at your gym?

Image via We Heart It.