My mom’s coming out

Today, my mom declared to the internet that she is “out of the closet.” For months, she shared her secret among only some family members and close friends. Self-conscious and worried of what others might think of her, she kept a low profile, acting as though January through May had been any other period in her life. But only until this afternoon did she decide to tell the world who she truly was.

My mom is going to be a yoga instructor.

The revelation is nothing new to me; she has been saying for years that she wants to return to school and learn how to teach yoga. But only last year did she decide to take a leap of faith and go to yoga teacher training school. It was a big decision for her. If you know my mom, she’s not the person to make any decision without deliberating about the pros and cons for literally years at a time.

Despite the significance of her decision, my mom kept her whereabouts a secret. She never outwardly lied to people about it, but if anyone asked how she was, she never brought up yoga school. When I asked her why she didn’t mention it often, she told me that she was ashamed of what others might think of her. She didn’t want anyone to judge her for not being good enough at yoga to teach. I responded that her assumptions were ridiculous. My mom has been doing yoga close to daily for years, and she’s much more qualified to teach than the fitness guru who instructs the P90X yoga video that I do. For a middle-aged woman, she displays incredible flexibility and strength from doing yoga as a sole method of fitness. I’ve been playing sports my entire life, and even I can’t manage a handstand or half of the balance positions she performs!

But my mom’s doubts did not go to rest. Since January, she has been voicing her concerns to me about yoga school. During my spring break, where we spent a week together under the sun in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, she expressed the difficulties that arose with returning to school.

“How do you study?” she asked me as she poured over her textbook in anguish.

“What do you mean, how do I study?” I replied with a laugh. “I’m your kid who’s in college. You should be giving me advice on how to study, not the other way around.”

As yoga school went further underway, my mom began to fall behind in her studies, causing her question whether she was cut out to do all of this. Her biggest burden, she informed me, was keeping up with her blog, a required assignment in class.

“I just don’t have anything to write about,” she complained. “I’m not a good writer like you are.”

Bluntly, I told her to stop pitying herself and just write. Get out a pen and blank sheet of paper, and write something, I said. Don’t think about what you’re saying. Just let the words flow onto the paper and guide you somewhere. It doesn’t matter if what you have is any good; it’s something, and it’s a start.

My mom begrudgingly did as I said. I think it worked because a month later, she wrote one of the most beautiful blog posts I have ever read. “Coming Out of the Closet” is the story of learning to accept her flaws and rising about her insecurities. I was completely blown away by my mom’s heartfelt writing. For most of my life, I’ve been the one telling her stories, but now, being able to hear hers has given me a whole new perspective on my mom.

At some points in her yoga school journey, I doubted my mom’s ability to overcome her challenges. I feared that they might overwhelm her to the point where she did not come to a state of inner peace with herself. But “Coming Out of the Closet” shows that she has done more than just found that peace; she has vowed to love herself unconditionally. I could not be happier for her. My mom has worked so hard in the past year, rising above the difficulties following her father’s death in September, caring for her widowed mother, and returning to work part-time. I am so proud to call her my mom. No one is as hard-working, dedicated, and loving as she is.

If you get a chance today, please read “Coming Out of the Closet” on my mom’s blog Namaste I L Y, and leave her a comment! For not having been to school for years, she has an excellent way with words. I think I got some of my creativity from her 🙂 I’m glad she’s finally back to blogging after a few months, and I can’t wait to read more of what’s on her heart.

Image via We Heart It